Much Guilt Being a Mother

I constantly feel guilty.

Feeling guilty that my son has both parents separated. Sometimes I feel I didn't do enough to keep the relationship going even though I know both side played a part.

Feeling guilty of leaving my son when I go to work. After two months of work away from my son, it is still quite hard to accept that I have to be away from him most of the day.

Feeling guilty of being so tired every single day even during weekends that I am not able to spend much quality time with my son.

My Hobby Is Basically Everything That Has To Do With My Baby

Last week, one of my colleague asked what are my hobbies.

It was such a simple question but I felt embarrassed to admit that my hobby was really to spend my time with my son. It is not reading, not gardening, not cooking, not Facebook-ing, but to spend time with my little boy.

Specifically hugging him while he is playing with his toys, smelling his little back and his little head while doing his activities, annoying him, give him a foot massage, tickling him, piggy back him around the house, play ball with him, blow bubbles with him, making bubbles baths with him, changing his nappies, feeding him his meals, hugging him while he is asleep, staring at him while he is asleep, taking photos of him, brushing his teeth, dancing with him, making squeeky noise with him and so much more.

A Bad Mum?

I don't know if how I'm feeling is right or wrong but I'm feeling quite drained and tired.

Ever since I had my baby, I had been always with him almost 24 hours and 7 days a week. I'm his primary care giver so fair enough that I have to be with him most of the time but I feel like I need a break. I don't really feel I had a proper break since I gave birth.

I feel that my in laws would look at it like I'm a bad mum because I want to get away from my baby, but I feel no one can understand this feeling unless they are in my shoes. I do enjoy his company and I love him to bits, but somehow I'm longing for a break where I can do what I want without having to stress and worry about his needs.